在這一天裡......

Friday, January 05, 2007

小胖子

那天,剛準備入錄影廠做直播訪問,突然收到弟弟由北京打來的長途電話,電話裡他的聲音都震了,他的呼吸聲很重,即使透過電話筒,我仍然感受到他的焦急,他說: 「家姐,我有事,你要幫我。」

弟弟從小就是一個胖子,臉上很兩個很深的梨渦,非常孩子氣,但是他的性格跟他的外形不一,他的性格又剛又烈,從來發生什麼事,他都不發一言,什麼事都是自己一個人挺過來,六年前,他一個人跑到北京做生意,他一個人在外邊,每次打長途電話回來都是說說笑,講些無關痛癢的事,有時我也賺他無聊,問他生意如何,生活如何,他都是說很不錯,不用擔心,後來有一次他一位朋友到香港叫我代為接待,由朋友口中,我才知道張龍華在北京很博,很勤力,一天工作超過十二小時,試過有一次天氣只得零下十度,他一個人半夜心更還是在外邊跑生意,客人的態度無論是如何惡劣,他也是咬緊牙關捱過去。

我們姐弟共處三十載,像那天他跟我說話的口吻,他從來未試過,那一秒鐘,我的心沉了,我知道,他絕不會因一些小事要我幫忙,我等他開口,他說: 「家姐,我的血有問題,要馬上回港。」

他是白血病。

我呆了,「白血病…是..血..癌?」我一字一字吐出,電流彷彿在我身上流過一樣,我整個人在發抖,他猶豫了一會說: 「是。」他沉默了,然而他這一句話,像是一個原子彈投在我身上一樣,拿着電話筒,我的眼淚不受控制地湧出來,我無法相信這是一個事實,更無法相信一個如此健康的人,竟然間會得此重病,我強裝鎮定說: 「是確定了嗎? 或者北京的醫生出錯,你不要擔心,你馬上回來,我跟你安排入院再仔細檢查…」我的話還未完,他就接着說: 「不會出錯的,白血球的指數比正常高了好幾倍,這個不可能有錯,只是,你一定不可以告訴父母,否則我不回來,我已經有心理準備…」然後,他哭了。

這輩子,我從未試過心如刀割的感覺,掛線後,我久久不能思考坐在書桌前,
我的腦海一片空白,我整個人在抖震,我什麼都想不到,只聽到自己的心臟在狂跳,這個病太嚇人,甚麼他會得如此重病? 我給徹徹底底的嚇呆了。

在機場接他到醫院那天,從前的小胖子,竟然瘦如柴,他的臉色很蒼白,他對我說: 「你放心,我狀態很好,也不感覺累…剛剛這班飛機上的空中小姐一點都不漂亮,所以我索性睡了一會,現在精神得很…」

小胖子跟我一起長大,我一直當他是小孩子,其實他比我更有思想,更成熟,
初中時我讀書成績不好,失落死了,當時他還是小學六年級,他躺在沙發上,搖搖腳對我說: 「家姐,大詩人李白一生人都沒有當過官,古代讀書人都是學而優則士,以做官為目標李白做官不成,但是都沒有否定過自己的能力,你一次考試不理想,算不上什麼,不要因為一次失敗就否定自己。」從小,他就是一個很有思想,很有主見,很有能力的男孩,知道得了重病之後,他還去照顧每一個人的感受,安排公司接下來的工作,安排他在北京女朋友的生活,還有,就是如何把這個對老父老母突如其來的打擊減到最輕…

小胖子原來早已經長大了,在我們不知不覺間長大了,他就是這樣一個鐵漢子,現在他遇到生命中一個小難題,要經過一些考驗; 我很清楚,只要他過了這個關口,他將來一定是不平凡的一個人,我一定要幫他渡過難關。

小胖子在醫院已經一個月了,上天慈悲,他的情況一天比一天好,昨天是他進行化療後第一次抽骨髓,他抽骨髓那個早上,天下着毛毛細雨,氣溫降至十五度,我跟媽媽一早到醫院去,我倍他進手術房,主診醫生問我: 「家姐,你倍他,你不怕嗎? 」我說: 「有什麼好怕? 」

坦白說,我是很怕血的,只是我知道小胖子自小很膽小,又怕痛,沒有人倍他壯壯膽,他一定會很害怕,做媽媽的,是不會忍心看見自己的孩子受皮肉之苦,所以不能讓她進來,那麼只剩下我了。

小胖子第一次抽骨髓的時候,也是我倍他,因為他這個病,我也做了一次骨髓檢查,主診醫生說: 「即使是至親,骨髓完全脗合可以捐贈的,機會只有四分之一,你們姐弟就是這幸運的四分之一人,如果他有什麼事,只有你可以救他。」

我跟他的命是緊緊的扣在一起,從今誰也離不開誰。

骨髓報告是一個好消息,經過一個月治療之後,壞細胞都死了,小胖子正在慢愎康復,他已經重生。

自從小胖子生病以後,我突然想起六年前去世的外公,外公離開我們時,已經是九十多嵗了,外公走時,我們沒有多大的悲傷,只是心裡很捨不得他,因為媽媽說,任何人不捨就不會得,外公是笑x,一個人好不容易活到九十嵗,享盡天命,歸於塵土,外公捨了今生,他又會得到另一個生命,所以x禮那天我們都沒有哭,因為我們都深信外公是享盡天年了。

原來一個人要享盡天年,好好活完這一生,是多生多世修來的福氣,這個福氣不是人人可以擁有,人的一生有很多不平坦的路,也有很多突如其來的劫難,疾病,災禍,它們可以一下子就奪去了我們的生命,我們甚至來不及反應,這一生就完蛋了; 所以當我們可以活在這個世上多一分鐘的時候,都應該好好的珍惜,因為
很多人會在極不情願的情況下被迫離開這個世界,我們有幸活着的,如果不知命,不愛命,實在有愧於天地。

造命立命,上天有造命之權,但立命之權在我,小胖子這一役之後,我終於明白生命是什麼一回事,生命是脆弱的,生命怎樣開始我無法控制,但我知道它怎樣結束,不知命的人以為命是由天定,但其實這並不盡言,命也是由我們控制的,小胖子得病之後,我看了很多關於癌怎樣形成的書,癌症是因為長期憂鬱,長期處於壓力中,飲食失衡,使基因出現病變; 生活失衡是因,發病是果,把這個道理推開,生命不過是一場的因果遊戲,從今,要怎樣的生命,怎要懂種什麼因了。

34 Comments:

Blogger The Inner Space said...

謝天謝地!!! 謝家姐!!!
祝令弟長命百歲!!!
絕處逢生﹐必有後福。

3:05 AM  
Blogger Steven said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:02 AM  
Blogger Steven said...

看完您的分享,我心里一沉,仿佛是自己的亲身经历一样。看得出来您是很疼你弟弟的。愿神祝福你们!

10:08 AM  
Blogger 古思哲 said...

很感人。是的,生命真的脆弱,好像不受控制似的。祝你弟弟日後身體健康。

11:41 AM  
Blogger johnkoo said...

人生起起伏伏,幸福重來不是必然的.
佛家說人生是無常的. 所以, 幸福是要珍惜的. 美好的人和事也是要珍惜的. 祝天下人身體健康.

1:44 AM  
Blogger 翩翩 said...

一邊看,一邊流淚,太眼淺了!
這經歷會讓你姐弟以後更懂如何活下去。

10:30 AM  
Blogger Passion for Nature said...

你原來更是一位好家姐 ^_^

的確,人的生命只在於呼吸之間. 健康的身體,平衡的作息,均衡的飲食是多麼重要!

祝你弟弟身體健康,生龍活虎!

2:06 PM  
Blogger edmond_tang said...

好姊姊:
你們兩姊弟很勇敢,
謹祝小胖子身體健康!

3:29 PM  
Blogger waipui said...

sharon,

請代我和cheekhiang向dennis說聲好...知道真相很不好受...心都實哂...好唔開心...

既然難關已過,正如你所講,是上天給予的重生!祝福你們!!!在新的一年,在往後每一天,平平安安!!!

best rgds,
teresa

6:45 PM  
Blogger 新聞背後 said...

Thank you for your blessings.
He is progressing well and now he is in hospital receiving second stage of chemotherapy.

Teresa,
Thank you for your blessings. Don't worry, he will be fine and we will overcome.
You should take care of yourself too and don't work too hard.
s

3:05 AM  
Blogger Gary Tai said...

I'm a passer-by who was a AML patient 4 years ago.I'm now fully recovered and get back to a normal life.The situation you described here is the same as what I had experienced before. The only difference is that I did undergo the Bone Marrow Transplant(My elder sister donated to me) after the chemotherapy.

Here are some advice based on my experiences. Hope this helps:
1. This is the most important one. PLEASE DO urge your brother change his lifestyle completely. I saw so many patients got relapse if they continued their extremely hard-working lifestyle. For those who changed and have a rather relaxing life afterwards, a large majority of them live heathily for years.(I used to work 15 hrs a day, 7 days a week before having this disease, and now, I only work 8-9 hrs per day, and 5 days per week)

2. Take enough rest before going back to work. By 'enough', I mean months(at least 3-6 months in my opinion). That's because his immune system is now rather weak and it takes time to recover. It's no good to get other complications at this stage

3. Be positive and happy all the time.

4. Do some mild exercises everyday to improve his immune system. When his immune system is strong enough, it could kill those bad cells by itself(I do Tai Chi everyday)

5. Green tea and berries(blueberries, strawberries...) are good anti-oxidant. But please consult doctor before giving them to your brother. It is a bit dangerous to take fruits if his immune system hasn't got back to a certain level. (Preferably to have Neutrophil level greater than one. I believe you understand this term by now)

Happy to share more if required.

God Bless You and your brother!

Regards,
Gary

8:26 AM  
Blogger 新聞背後 said...

Dear Gary,
Thank you very much for your advice! It is very useful indeed. He is a workaholic!
Do u have regular check now?

s

11:25 AM  
Blogger pino said...

祝福小胖子快些痊癒!

11:40 AM  
Blogger John said...

生命中最重要的還是健康。
祝幸福安康!

12:29 PM  
Blogger Gary Tai said...

Yes, I still have regular check-up for twice a year, and I don't need to take any medicine 1 year after the Bone Marrow Transplant.

I think his doctor would tell you whether he needs a Bone Marrow Transplant soon. Please trust your doctors and follow their advice(Some patients would doubt, or try to avoid, a BMT....)

Seems that your brother is making a rather good progress. However, this is no doubt a uphill battle, please treat everything careful even if we are in a good position. (Especially after chemo, his immune system will be quite weak)

Good luck!

/gary

2:32 PM  
Blogger Lotus said...

星期天電視上不見你。到明報的網站看看你的近況才知道發生了這件事。

在此衷心祝你們健康快樂。

12:10 AM  
Blogger Severus said...

憑自己的意志, 家人的支持, 小胖子過了生命中的小難題, 在此願祝小胖子早日康復..

2:29 AM  
Blogger Dennis Wan said...

他正在康復就好了。
願他早日出院,回復正常的生活,還要好好珍惜健康的身體。
你也要注意健康。

5:11 PM  
Blogger Deetsang said...

祝願令弟早日康復!

2:17 AM  
Blogger waipui said...

sharon,

can u keep me noticed? well, we all care abt him, do let me know his status and anything we can help. btw, u should know that cheekhiang is studying nursing now, he can help in a way i think. my email is wwaipui@gmail.com, thanks and god bless u all!!

teresa

3:25 AM  
Blogger bageelada said...

我在北京認識的朋友中,Dennis是最勤力,積極的一個年輕人.當我們知道他突然不在北京.都有些擔心.機緣巧合中看見這個blog,得知他身體不適,真的希望他能夠快些康復. Dennis,記住身體健康比甚麼都重要,要好好休息呀!

10:51 AM  
Blogger Irene T. said...

Hi Sharon,

This is Irene T from BJ/SH, a friend of Dennis. I'm very glad that Dennis is in his recovery now. Pls send my deepest deepest regards to him, and let him know I have been & will be continuously pray for him daily. May the Lord bless you, your family & heal your brother in the way He planned.

2:35 PM  
Blogger 新聞背後 said...

Dear All,
thank you for all of your blessings and kind words. I will pass them to Dennis. He is still in hospital but is progressing well.

Teresa, I will write to you, but don't worry, I am sure Dennis will get well. It is a big pressure for us cos we are so indifferent to this illness.
s

2:24 AM  
Blogger cheunglung said...

Hello there,
我是小胖子啊。

谢谢你们的关心。 身体没什么事了,天天在念“天将降大任于斯人...”这几句话,所以也没有什么精神压力。 刚买了PSP和有些公司的事情要做,时间也挺好过。

I know some of you. Hi Teresa, long time no see, we should go out for a drink when I am totally recovered. Irene T = Irene Ting? BTW, who's bageelada? should be someone who understands me very much, cos of "Dennis是最勤力,積極的一個年輕人" :)

Also, Marble, thanks for your flower, you are so nice!! (Hope you will see this message). Last but not the least, thanks for all people who left the messages and supported me.

I will be back!!

Dennis

5:58 AM  
Blogger Patrick said...

好像遲了點

"幸福是要珍惜的
幸福不是必然的"

這兩句很容易說,但真的要有自己的親身經歷才能真切地體會到這兩句話的意思

祝小胖子及所有人健康

PS:我有一大學同學在year 1暑假時也得了此病,但他並沒有小胖子那麼幸運....

2:52 PM  
Blogger b3108 said...

dear sharon,

it's really good to hear your brother is getting better! do keep us informed... when you're ready to tell us, of course!

take care, and God bless. ;-)

brandon

4:07 PM  
Blogger The Inner Space said...

Dennis,

Welcome to the Blog. I am glad to see you can access and report your condition by your-own-self.

Knowing and not knowing do not and will not stop us; we all here have the "ONE" same wish about your GOOD health.

Take care

1:07 AM  
Blogger 新聞背後 said...

多謝大家的支持,
我也想不到小胖子自己上來這個blog看了,
希望他健康之餘,
大家都要注意健康...

sharon

2:09 AM  
Blogger waipui said...

嘩!!!
Is that really you?? Dennis????
Nice to hear from you!!! =)
你依然是那麼風趣搞笑呢...呵呵呵~
psp...sounds gd to u, but dun work too hard la! relax and take rest, ok???
hm...no alcohol please, not good to your health...
maybe a glass of orange juice or fruit punch...hahaha~

keep it up, den, u should feel all our support and care!
look forward to seeing you soon!!!

cheers ^^
teresa

8:43 AM  
Blogger Irene T. said...

Hi Hi Dennis,

Bingo! Irene T = Irene Ting

You must get well! Really want to get in touch with you personally.
My email irene_ting@sina.com

So glad that you still keep your humor. Very appreciate that and that let me know you are well & will be very well! Haha!

Take care!

God bless you always!

Irene

2:09 PM  
Blogger Dora Ho said...

Hi Sharon,

Not sure if you still remember of a girl (10 years ago)Dora Ho who lived in Chi Man Domestry, a nightbor of yours and we are in the same group in Big O camp. pls call me if your are available for a tea.

Dora (Mobile : 9169 1620)

11:51 AM  
Blogger Eddie said...

寶華姐姐,

你好嗎?剛從收音機聽到你的聲音.得知龍華得了重病,非常驚訝!

[我沒有聽錯嘛!]這個是我第一個反應.急急從GOOGLE裡搜索,找到你的blog,看到你和張太的相.心裡更不禁酸了起來.原來是真的...

對於得知自己親人患了重病那種的心情...我是很非常理解的. 因為爸爸數年前也患了腸癌,幸及早發現,但那其間那種憂心,睡又睡不着,吃又吃不到那種心情, 確實非常難熬.

看了後文得知龍華身體也康復起來...心裡也感到恩惠.

雖然每次大家碰頭只是點點頭又或寒暄幾句, 衷心希望祝龍華早日康復. 亦祝你們全家新的一年裡身體健康,心想事成.

最後,想引用陳百強的歌給龍華打氣.....

[願知生命誠可貴, 能為你鼓舞!]


同座陳太個仔 - 啟泰

4:34 AM  
Blogger Small Potato said...

Hi... just heard that from radio 有誰共鳴 yesterday. You're a very good sister.
Don't worry. God is watching us. May God bless your family.
Take care. :)

4:33 AM  
Blogger Small Potato said...

Hi... just heard that from radio 有誰共鳴 yesterday. You're a very good sister.
Don't worry. God is watching us. May God bless your family.
Take care. :)

4:34 AM  

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